The Most Important Word I Taught My Son This Summer

My teenage son was recently struggling with commitments he made to his various friend groups.

Namely, how to be ok saying “NO.”

He was genuinely anxious about letting anyone down. He worried about saying no to sleepovers, no to hanging out when he’s tired (or just didn’t feel like doing anything), no to overextending himself – essentially a not-so-mini people pleaser in the making.

What a gut punch.

As a reformed people pleaser (yes, ok it’s a work-in-progress), my heart broke for him.

I could see exactly where that road could lead because I'd walked that all-too familiar path myself.

We had a very candid conversation about how it’s OK to say no and that it’s also OK to not have an explanation. Those who truly care about you will understand and it doesn’t make you a bad person (ugh, I’m feeling my inner child cry and heal at the same time as I write this out).

Funny enough, I have two other children who need almost the complete opposite lesson. I find myself encouraging them to say “yes” a little more – to take that chance, join the team, accept the invitation, put themselves out there before fear quietly decides for them, and the opportunities stop knocking altogether.

Funny how the same parent can be teaching completely opposite lessons under the same roof.

Oh “balance”. What a strange concept you are.

It made me realize that saying “no” isn’t simply about protecting your own time or energy.

Sometimes, it’s about protecting someone else’s future.

That’s exactly what good designers – and good professionals in any industry – are hired to do.

sneaking a peek at our newest photos - lots of "no" happened to land on this ;)

It’s something I’ve becoming increasingly intentional about within my own design practice. I find myself feeling emboldened to encourage my designers over the years to say “no” to requests from clients / contractors / trades if they don’t make sense or they’re not sure why they are being requested.

It’s ok to pause.

Another concept I’ve been leaning into lately.

Not everything needs an immediate reaction (actually immediate reactions aren’t always the best to act on anyway). There’s usually too much ego infused in that first reaction.

When I or my firm is being trusted with making the aesthetic and health, safety and welfare decisions for their home build or renovation, I feel part of what they are entrusting me with is the authority to say no. Because “yes” is easy in the moment. Living with the consequences isn’t.

“Can you make it cheaper?”

“Can you just copy this?”

“Can we just eliminate that?”

“Can I have a discount?”

Why do so many of us struggle to say no?

No – that decision will cost you far more later.

No – that won’t actually solve the problem.

No – I won’t compromise my professional integrity.

No – Your budget isn’t realistic.

No – I won’t work for free.

During Discovery Calls, one of the greatest values I can offer isn't telling people what they want to hear.

It's telling them what they need to hear.

Sometimes that means explaining that the budget isn't aligned with the scope.

Sometimes it means recommending they wait another year.

Sometimes it means suggesting they don't hire me at all.

I'd rather lose a project because I was honest than win one by making promises I can't stand behind just because I told someone what they wanted to hear.

If you think about the cases where you’ve said no – whether to stand by your morals, boundaries or limits, have you ever regretted it?

Looking back, I’ve never regretted the “no’s”.

Every meaningful "yes" in my life has been made possible because I was willing to say no somewhere else.

Rejection is protection.

Because when you finally do say yes, you know you actually mean it.

And hell yesses are the best yesses.

The right professional shouldn't tell you what you want to hear— they should help you make decisions you'll still be grateful for years from now.

If you're planning a renovation or custom home and you're looking for someone who will challenge assumptions, protect your investment, and guide you toward the best long-term decisions (even when they're the harder ones), I'd love to start that conversation.

Because the right "no" today often becomes the clearest "yes" tomorrow.

XO, Cynthia